Aftermath (6 photographs)

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Self-Portrait, Pre-Mastectomy, November 2005. All photos © Kerry Mansfield

San Francisco-based photographer Kerry Mansfield was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2005, and photographed this series of self-portraits during her treatment. In her statement about the project, she writes:

As a photographer, I’ve spent most of my career looking deeply into the spaces we inhabit. The idea of Home – what it meant and how it felt, preoccupied my thinking. Almost all my pictures were of the spaces we live in or the things we live with. But at the age of 31, a diagnosis of breast cancer forced me to redefine my ideas of home.

Needless to say it came as quite a shock. I had exercised and eaten correctly, and like many of my age, I felt indestructible, never thinking the most basic of dwellings could be lost. Faced with the nihilistic process of radical chemotherapy and surgery, my ideas of “where” I exist turned inward. As the doctors, with their knives and chemistry broke down the physical structure in which I lived, the relationship between the cellular self and the metaphysical self became glaringly clear. My body may not be me, but without it, I am something else entirely. I knew that my long held image of myself would be shattered. What would emerge would be a mystery.

It was in that spirit of unknown endings, that I picked up my camera to self document the catharsis of my own cancer treatment. No one was there when these pictures were made, just my dissolving ideas of self and a camera. And what began as a story that could have ended in many ways, this chapter, like my treatment, has now run its course. While I can’t say everything is fine now, I will say, “These are the images of my Home – as it was then”, and with a little luck, there will be no more to come.

Several images from the series follow, and more are viewable on Mansfield’s web site.

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Self-Portrait, Post-Mastectomy, December 2005

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Self-Portrait, 1st Cycle Chemo, January 2006

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Self-Portrait, 3rd Cycle Chemo, February 2006

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Self-Portrait, 4th Cycle Chemo, March 2006

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Self-Portrait, Post-Reconstruction, December 2006

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132 Responses to “Aftermath (6 photographs)”

  1. Jonathan Young Says:

    An incredibly brave series.

  2. Troy Freund Says:

    agreed with the previous statement–brave, open, and trusting. Thank you Ms. Mansfield, for making this series and trusting us enough to share these self-portraits.

  3. Leigh Kirk Says:

    Thank you for sharing your journey with the world. Your courage is a beautiful gift for others.

  4. Megan C. Says:

    As a 37 year old photographer and breast cancer conqueror myself, I’m in complete admiration with her raw honesty. What I found remarkable and reassuring is that her beauty never diminished through any of the treatments. Frankly, I think she’s more beautiful now and I feel the same about myself despite my scars and short curly hair.

    http://www.megansbigadventure.com

  5. Rachael Says:

    Thank you so much for your art and for sharing.

  6. Peggy Michael Says:

    I had both taken off, Stage III, then radiated. When I went to get reconstruction, skin would not expand. They had to take my back skin and muscle to create expansion and hold the implant. Now I have a boob with a football-like scar and it is completely different from the other one. I still have to get more fat injections after they take out my port on the other side. It’s been almost a three year construction process.

    Thank you for sharing your journey.

  7. tpahornet Says:

    Wow what a beautiful woman! We really need to get a cure for this tragedy. The surgery seems so barbaric. I lost a friend almost 2 years ago who lived 1500 miles away and we spoke almost every night while he was going through treatments and I grew to love him like a brother. The struggles he faced during our friendship were incredible and it weighed more heavily than I ever realized. I’ve felt your battle and your bravery has no bounds. Live strong Kerry and I mean that in the most sincere way!

  8. Strangus Says:

    Wow! Your courage and strength has left me speechless.

  9. Marc A. Says:

    My goodness, you are beautiful.

  10. Mike M Says:

    As a young guy from the east coast who considers themselves a tough, determined, fresh college grad, and w/ a mother who had to go through light chemo treatments..

    I cannot express to you just how brave I think you are, how *truly* tough you are, and how much I look up to you for being able to document this. Thank you for sharing, and best wishes.

  11. Dave Newton Says:

    Thank you, Kerry, so much for sharing. Posting this series was not only brave, but selfless. I applaud you for not letting modesty get in the way.

  12. Tony Murphy Says:

    Your courage and openness is awe inspiring, a very strong and emotionally powerful series of images that will be etched in my subconscious for sometime. So brave, so beautiful, I hope this message finds you well. TM

  13. Matt Ezell Says:

    Thank you for sharing this with us.

    To have endured this, survived and maintained the bravery to share with the world leaves me in awe.

  14. Robin Says:

    Thank you for these photos, it is very corageous of you.

  15. marc klink Says:

    Very brave indeed. As a man, I can’t hope to know the anguish of anything like this. What I don’t understand is why more mastectomies are not done by plastic surgeons, under the guidance of an oncologist. It would make reconstruction easier (I would think) and eliminate some of the trauma for the woman.

  16. Lee Stutzman Says:

    Incredibly touching – I cannot fathom what it must have taken to air your pain to the world – cathartic.

  17. Nick Says:

    My thoughts go out to you. Your strength in facing this problem and sharing it with the public is impressive. I wish you a happy, healthy life from here on out.

  18. Aly B. Says:

    This is amazing and so powerful for women to see. Her courage to document and share this is inspiring. Thank you.

  19. chrisine Says:

    Thankyou for this. Very powerful art!

  20. Monica Carmona Says:

    Kerri,
    You have given a phenomenal gift to the world. Thank you for sharing your beauty,talent, and photography. We are who we are…your journey shows that we can be so much more if share ourselves. I admire your strength and courage.

  21. Joe McCluskey Says:

    You are a brave soul and I am sure that your photos will be an encouragement to other women. I only viewed your pictures to see the results of surgery. My wife will be going in for surgery (not the same surgery) soon and I hope and pray that she will come through the surgery as well as you appear to have. You are beautiful.

  22. don helley Says:

    You are so brave! Even if you were shaking inside, your photos show an awesome resilience! I have never seen the physical disruption of one’s life like this before. Thank you! your friend Don

  23. Alexis Glenn Says:

    AMAZING! So tasteful and breathtakingly beautiful! Thank you so much for sharing your fight and your talent with the world

  24. Carl Costas Says:

    Those have to be among the most unassuming, real, and touching images I’ve seen. Kerry, your strength and courage are an inspiration.

  25. Linda Grotenstein Says:

    Kerry, your photographs are a story that needs no words – emotional and heart-rendering.

  26. Kat Says:

    My mother has 4 sisters. All 4 of them have had ovarian or breast cancer, or both. As a result, I have lived in fear of the C-Word all of my life. Thank you so much for sharing your experience. It must have been so scary and at the same time it exhibited so much bravery. I have been affected beyond words by this series of amazing photos, and because of these photos I know of several people who have donated to breast cancer research. Thanks for your honesty, bravery, and fearlessness. I will be praying for you!!!!!!

  27. Horton Says:

    Brilliant. Thank you.

    *hug*

  28. Mark Says:

    Im a male that had a 7cm mass removed from my right breast back in September. It was medically described as a “mastectomy” and I had a blood drain just like yours sticking out of my chest for several weeks(the line wasnt set right the first time and I woke up the next morning with a c cup breast thanks to a hematoma). My mass was not malignant, however the mass had been there for 8 years(painful to the touch) and right before the point it was removed and biopsied as non cancerous I had already resigned it as being cancer.

    Your series of pictures opened my eyes to how much of a toll chemotherapy takes on the body, and I would like to thank you for your courage in posting this series of photos

  29. ana Says:

    words sometimes aren’t quite enough…
    ana
    portugal

  30. Danx Says:

    Congratulations!
    Life’s bigger than death!

  31. Tara E. Zanghi Says:

    Art…such a powerful vehicle to support staying with our experience. no matter how catastrophic. I comfort myself knowing you had this medium to witness yourself
    during the process. Thank you for sharing your body, mind and spiritual journey.
    Sending blessings your way brave sister. te

  32. sevgi Says:

    speechless…
    god bless you Kerry!

  33. John Says:

    I survived testicular cancer some years ago. By a stroke of luck, I happened across a magazine with a pictorial of half a dozen breast cancer survivors of all ages. (I think it was Oprah’s magazine, but I’m not sure). They became my pinup girls. I recall all of their faces clearly. I put their pictures on the wall, and they were kind of a lighthouse in a storm for me. My favorite was a brunette gal around 50 or so with a wicked tattoo up and along her afflicted side. She said “I took an area of devastation and made it beautiful again.” Her bravery, and the way she confronted it head on really inspired me in dealing with a profound sense of disfigurement. And I want to commend you for it. You and you are all beautiful women.

  34. bud Says:

    God Bless you. You are a strong and beautiful lady.

  35. branko Says:

    not only the photos themself,but your eyes!
    the way you look at ass thru the lens!
    thank you for that!
    you are magnificent woman!

  36. DAwid1987POland Says:

    RESPECT***

  37. Ron Says:

    Admittedly I’ve never seen the aftermath of Breast Cancer. Know that you are still a beautiful woman, and that you’ve given many of us a lot of food for thought. Thank you for sharing what has to be the hardest moments of your life with us.

  38. Miranda Says:

    Has tenido una enorme valentía y eso te honra.
    Deseo de corazón que ya estés totalmente recuperada y que la vida te sonría.
    Y tienes unos ojos y una mirada hermosa…refleja …paz
    Un abrazo.

  39. Marc Says:

    Absolutely brave and didactic. Thanks so much for your courage.

  40. Kyle McHattie Says:

    I am a 40 year old man who is moved, touched and inspired by your courage and honesty. My sister had breast cancer 15 years ago and had treatment. She is still in remission. 3 years ago my doctor found a lump in my left breast and they had to do a mastectomy. It’s embarrassing for me to admit and yet I also know that is the reason 90% of men with breast cancer don’t survive. I would not have had it checked out let alone removed if it weren’t for brave people like my sister and you. You are amazing (and gorgeous with or without your right breast).

  41. Mar Says:

    This is the first time I comment a photo but… yours are… I han’t got words. Thank you for your courage, for your sincerity, for your work. Thanks for sharing. And good luck
    Mar
    Spain

  42. jose Says:

    you have big balls. More than many man.

  43. pacuelo Says:

    Eres una persona muy valiente. Desde Madrid te mando muchos ánimos. No dudo que con tu fortaleza podrás seguir adelante y ser feliz.

    Un beso grande

  44. Lucas Says:

    Respect & Good Luck!

  45. Mary Danielsen Says:

    The courage passes on. Thank you for helping others

  46. Elena Says:

    THANKS.

  47. Allen Says:

    You are so brave! Loved the idea of the photos. Your facial expression tells the whole story. Wish you well. :)

  48. RUTGER Says:

    Thank you

  49. Babyfloats Says:

    Beautiful and incredibly powerful

  50. BuelahMan Says:

    My heart goes out and I am so very glad you did this. People must know.

  51. Neil Hollander Says:

    You are one incredible woman!!. Your courage is beyond anything I have ever encountered.

    We, my wife and I have been married nearly 40 years.

    I’m the father of a lovely daughter and grand father to three marvelous little girls. God forbid they should encounter what you are dealing with. If it does happen I can only hope that they have your courage.

    baba

  52. tammie lynne Says:

    incredible. I applaud your courage.
    I see these are from 2006, hope you are still fighting the good fight.

  53. Lisa Semler Says:

    I realized after my mastectomy that I wished I had taken the before shot that wasn’t just the one at the plastic surgeons office with no face. I had a double mastectomy cancer in both breasts and was able to get the full implant at the time of the mastectomy as the oncologist surgeon and reconstrction surgeon worked together. I wish more women knew about this option because it helps with the whole healing process. I searched the internet before the surgery so that I would know what to expect after the surgery but was unable to find anything and you have told an amazing and incredible story that I was looking for.

  54. lou Says:

    you are so beautiful.

  55. Johnny Jones Says:

    I dont know what to say. This is the most beautiful thing Ive ever seen. I just cant believe it. Thank You.

  56. Keith Says:

    Kerry, you are so brave. My wife went through breast cancer in April 2006 and had a lumpectomy followed by chemo and radio. She is “cured” now, but it changed our lives forever. We found a deeper love and feeling for each other after 37 years of marriage.
    Good luck,

    Keith

  57. Alana Says:

    Thank you, thank you, thank you. I have no other words that can express what I’m feeling.

  58. Rachel Says:

    You’re beautiful. You’re struggle and fight is beautiful. Your spirit and piercing eyes, again, beautiful. I’m proud of you, stranger.

  59. tetro Says:

    Sorry I don´t speak english. moving pictures. The photographs come to the heart

  60. In awe Says:

    you are breathtakingly beautiful

  61. Gypsy~ Says:

    I agree with so many people on here. You are incredibly brave and such a beautiful woman inside and out. Your series truly touched me, and for that I thank you..thank you so very much~

  62. EmmyLemon Says:

    You are beautiful, strong, and honest. Hats off to you, this one series of photographs has proven you a roll model.

  63. Sophiesa Says:

    Thank you so much for share your courage with us.

  64. adriana Says:

    this series is so raw and so true. so brave. there is so much beauty in this woman’s courage. these photos have a lot of power in them. wow.

  65. Alicia Neubeck Says:

    I have no personal link to this photo. One of my friends posted it on Facebook, and I had to look. You are so beautiful, and so brave. I hope that all is well for you, now, and I hope you know how absolutey gorgeous you are; before and after. Stay strong, and healthy. :D

  66. Wolfie Rankin Says:

    You can see a lot of rubbish online as you browse, but this was the cream of the crop, a very brave and honest depiction of what cancer and chemotherapy do to the body. I had cancer also, rectal. I didn’t lose my hair but was very sick for about six months in 2006. and I still have a bag from the operation which was left there because I got to a point where I just couldn’t face anyone touching or poking me with things. I took my own photos too, before the operation, so I could remember how I was. One day soon they’ll know how to beat cancer with something in a drip or a prescription of pills that won’t seem to do anything, and all the stuf we went through will look so primitive and awful. Here’s to that day. Best Wishes to you.

  67. michael byrd Says:

    I think what she did puts a real face on breast cancer,it was truly a brave thing to document her struggle. God bless you and may He keep you strong.

  68. jhony Says:

    You got nice titties girl

  69. shyam Says:

    Being a cancer patient I can understant how u face the situation. But the courage and sporting spirit u shown is great and unmatched. wish good luck and healthy life in rest of ur life

  70. Ann Hawkins Says:

    You are so beautiful in every sense of the word that you take my breath away. Thank you so much for sharing your journey and giving hope and inspiration to women and the men who love them and support them.

  71. Gabriella Says:

    This was very brave.

  72. Shannon Says:

    I couldn’t help but just stare into your eyes. From the fear in the first photo to the look of accomplishment and triumph in the last. You truly are brave and despite any scars, physical or emotional, you are a rare beauty, and those are the best kind. Hope you are still well.

  73. Em Says:

    What a stunningly beautiful, and strong woman. Thank you for your honesty.

  74. Steve Wells Says:

    What a wonderful soul. Powerful is she.

  75. Soul Train Says:

    Now that’s a powerful and brave woman.

    My partner underwent a double masectomy (as well as removal of lymph node on right side) and never underwent reconstruction. She occasionally wears a breast prosthesis to look more ‘feminine’ but usually foregoes it for comfort reasons.

    Hope that you are and continue to be cancer free.

  76. Megan Says:

    Something about these photos simply removes malicious thought from your mind — rather novel.

  77. Brie Says:

    Thank you from a child whose mother did not survive. You are beautiful.

  78. Spirit Says:

    I never comment on things I stumble. Even when touched, I keep it to myself. I need to comment on this. Your photos are stunningly honest, brave, raw, strong beyond words. I am moved. Thank you for sharing this very personal journey. I wish you health and continued strength.

  79. Raj Guru Singh Says:

    Very touchy. Brave work. You are really an inspiration for others.

  80. Darrell Cadieux Says:

    This woman’s courage inspires me….her beauty astounds me.

  81. Fen Says:

    I think the fourth cycle is the best photo. Her gaze is so intense.

    My mom’s on her last round of chemo right now.

  82. Chris Says:

    You are very brave, courageous and beautiful. Thank you for the pix. They are very touching. Your strength and sincerity will lead you to full recovery. Trust in them.

  83. Vera Says:

    beautiful

  84. Adam Mineo Says:

    You are absolutely gorgeous. Great progression of photos as well, you can feel the emotion in every one of the photos. Inspiring just doesn’t cut it. It’s much much more.

  85. Kidpinkers Says:

    You are an amazing woman!

  86. Ryan Says:

    You are amazing.

  87. girl Says:

    You. Are. Amazing.

  88. Adam Reid Says:

    Lookin good honey. I hope all is good now.

  89. Jacob Says:

    You’re beautiful. Thank you so much for this, you are incredibly brave.

  90. Elizabeth Says:

    You are wonderful! I’m so grateful that you shared these. Beautiful!

    I wish you Joy, Love, and Health!

  91. Rocky Says:

    Damn, bitch be ugly.

  92. clint Says:

    I think you’re sexy.

  93. Harper Says:

    I think you are completely gorgeous.
    God bless.

  94. russll Says:

    i have to agree with @Harper, absolutley, completely gorgeous
    and so so brave, massive props 2 u

  95. Mellanie Says:

    There are no words to accurately describe your courage. This brought tears to my eyes. How beautiful and breathtaking and awe inspiring. You are an amazing standard of human to live up to.

  96. Allen Says:

    wow… my mother, my sister in law and many others have had this same thing and I am glad to see what it is. I have heard that some people choose not to go through with it to save there looks and I think you and they look much better alive. thank you for showing your …. Life

  97. Miya Says:

    You, my dear, have the most beautiful eyes I have ever seen.

    Thank you for sharing this with us, it is extremely powerful. I hope you are doing well.

    Much love.

  98. Bella in Paris Says:

    Bravo. Evocative and brave.

  99. Amanda Says:

    Beautiful, tragic, and inspiring. The strength required to do this is humbling.

  100. Cassie Says:

    You are beautiful.

  101. Alex Says:

    Looks like you stayed positive through the experience, and are on the road to recovery.

    Kinda reminds me of the Youtube video where Noah takes a picture of himself everyday for six years.

    It’s amazing how the human body changes over time.

  102. John Says:

    I have never seen anyone face the truth like this.

    I have two sisters in law who are going through this. I never really understood until now.

    I hope you can adapt after this terrible experience and live strong. You must be one awesome woman. Thank you.

  103. Jacklyn Says:

    Beautiful series and it has given me immense hope.
    It’s also kickass and brave, so thank you

  104. Lucas Says:

    Your honesty is a real thing of beauty. Thank you.

  105. Julie Says:

    I just want to thank you for telling your story. Your pictures are so powerful. I hope you’re doing well.

  106. Jayce Says:

    I am deeply moved by your bravery and honesty.
    Truly, you are a beautiful woman, both in mind and body.

  107. Louise Says:

    This moved me to tears.
    You are such an incredible and strong lady, and an enormous inspiration.

  108. Tegan Says:

    Thank you so much for sharing this. This is incredibly moving.

  109. tiffany Says:

    You are beautiful.. I love the series!

  110. Lu Says:

    you are an amazing human being, thank you for your honesty – it is much needed in the world.

  111. Gregory M. Figg Says:

    thank you for the honesty and it takes great courage to do this your a beautiful human being…

  112. ...love Maegan Says:

    wow. just brought me to tears. what a horrific journey that must have been. omg. you are an incredibly strong and courageous woman. I still want to cry though. ;/

  113. Morgan {The818} Says:

    Amazing. You’re amazing. And beautiful.

  114. Stephen Says:

    Stop saying it is brave. You are brave for making courageous decisions that are not required of you. Depressing, beautiful. Those are words that describe this photo album. I would even describe it at excellent. But brave it is not.

  115. ville Says:

    FAP FAP FAP FAP ……JIZZ JIZZITY JIZZ JIZZ……….

  116. Lia Says:

    Very inspiring to keep strong. She’s a beautiful woman, and her bravery makes her stunning in these photos. All the best with the cancer. My mom has had it 3 times, but she keeps strong like you do.

  117. Lia Says:

    And I’m sorry Stephen but not to argue, but I 100% think it is brave. Judging by your name you’re a guy and for women to loose part of their body that men so easily define us by, it is incredibly brave of her to post these for the world to see. She made a courageous decision to bare all and document her home as she calls it, and no one told her to do that. It’s brave of her to stand up, and inspiring to all those who fight this battle like she does.

  118. robles Says:

    you are a brave, and inspiring woman thank for share

  119. Terry Tiessen Says:

    Thank you for sharing the moments. I love the eyes. I looked through the pictures quickly, then again more slowly, and was completly captivated by the story the eyes told, even more then the obvious surgury. The fear and uncertainty in the first to the proud and resolute of the last. I cried. Your a brave and wonderful human.

  120. Googlers Says:

    I guess you are amazingly a positive women. You are beautiful too.. God Bless You!!

  121. Rhalmi Says:

    You are still beautiful. I admire the courage…

  122. dirtywhitecandy Says:

    I have a friend who has been through this and another who is now on a similar journey. Your pictures are unforgettable, and so are your words.

  123. Michael Says:

    Thanks for your your courage and God bless,so incredibly brave and wonderful.

  124. 9 ball Says:

    From the fear in the first photo to the look of accomplishment and triumph in the last. You truly are brave and despite any scars, physical or emotional, you are a rare beauty…

  125. Darlene Reger Says:

    I wish I had seen these pictures before my modified radical mastectomy. I would have known more about what to expect, been more relaxed, not feeling so much like walking into a dark mysterious cave of the unseen and unknowable. People try to tell you what to expect, and they don’t know how it feels nor can they tell you what it looks like. These pictures would have helped, and I hope they help others who must walk this path. Walk with love, all.

  126. bunny Says:

    You looked beautiful and brave every step of the way

  127. Kristie Says:

    And you’re still so beautiful.

    You can see the radical change just from the way your eyes look. I saw some comments that said you looked accomplished in your last photo. I think you look very tired and most definitely changed. And who wouldn’t be? I don’t think this is beautiful. I think it’s heartbreaking. But I think you’re beautiful and very wonderful for sharing this. I wish you all the happiness you can find.

  128. chelli Says:

    beautiful and brave every step of the way and giving hope and courage and using your gift of
    talent so beautifully. God bless you

  129. Amanda Says:

    Wow..how fab are you!! I went through the same stuff and wish I had recorded it in some way. Thank you for these photos and thanks especially for making it easier for people to discuss. xxAmandaxx

  130. Kathaleen Bierstedt Says:

    Hey, I wonder if some of you has a hystory or tryed this alternative. They advertise some bald claims and I don’t know what to say, I’ve seen the videos and i can say i’m a bit impressed. Can anyone tell if they had an experience with this “miracle soultion” they call MMS? I found it on this website cancermeds.themmsmiracle.info but seems there is an entire culture around the world.

    I kind of find myself in need, i’m a bit ill and my brother has cancer so i am willing to try anything that could heal this ilness. I would really appreciate your oppinions.

  131. Tim Riordan Says:

    I recall my mother after her radical mastectomy taking my hand to have me touch her chest bones where the breast she had nursed me with was removed. She went on to help other women who had radical mastectomies as you have done in this photo display showing the beauty-in-a-compassion-of-shared-suffering. By sharing our sufferings to help others bear theirs we embrace them as sisters and brothers and bring the world closer to the reality God embraced to show each of us what ‘true love’ is! Thank you for expressing compassion and the love I saw my mother give to others walking where she had walked! Your love has helped others and nurtured them as only a woman can!

  132. Jessica Says:

    when I first stumbled onto this page i admit i was a little shocked and disgusted by a bare chest. that’s when i saw the lines. with an open mouth and watery eyes I looked at these photos…shocked in a different way. I honestly dont know what I would do if this happened to me…i have so much respect for you. i pray that you can live life to the fullest. you truely are an inspirational and powerful woman. bless you, and thank you.

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