Aftermath (6 photographs)
Self-Portrait, Pre-Mastectomy, November 2005. All photos © Kerry Mansfield
San Francisco-based photographer Kerry Mansfield was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2005, and photographed this series of self-portraits during her treatment. In her statement about the project, she writes:
As a photographer, I’ve spent most of my career looking deeply into the spaces we inhabit. The idea of Home – what it meant and how it felt, preoccupied my thinking. Almost all my pictures were of the spaces we live in or the things we live with. But at the age of 31, a diagnosis of breast cancer forced me to redefine my ideas of home.
Needless to say it came as quite a shock. I had exercised and eaten correctly, and like many of my age, I felt indestructible, never thinking the most basic of dwellings could be lost. Faced with the nihilistic process of radical chemotherapy and surgery, my ideas of “where” I exist turned inward. As the doctors, with their knives and chemistry broke down the physical structure in which I lived, the relationship between the cellular self and the metaphysical self became glaringly clear. My body may not be me, but without it, I am something else entirely. I knew that my long held image of myself would be shattered. What would emerge would be a mystery.
It was in that spirit of unknown endings, that I picked up my camera to self document the catharsis of my own cancer treatment. No one was there when these pictures were made, just my dissolving ideas of self and a camera. And what began as a story that could have ended in many ways, this chapter, like my treatment, has now run its course. While I can’t say everything is fine now, I will say, “These are the images of my Home – as it was then”, and with a little luck, there will be no more to come.
Several images from the series follow, and more are viewable on Mansfield’s web site.
Self-Portrait, Post-Mastectomy, December 2005
Self-Portrait, 1st Cycle Chemo, January 2006
Self-Portrait, 3rd Cycle Chemo, February 2006
Self-Portrait, 4th Cycle Chemo, March 2006
Self-Portrait, Post-Reconstruction, December 2006
November 20th, 2009 at 12:59 pm EGMT+5
An incredibly brave series.
November 20th, 2009 at 1:33 pm EGMT+5
agreed with the previous statement–brave, open, and trusting. Thank you Ms. Mansfield, for making this series and trusting us enough to share these self-portraits.
November 20th, 2009 at 1:58 pm EGMT+5
Thank you for sharing your journey with the world. Your courage is a beautiful gift for others.
November 20th, 2009 at 2:05 pm EGMT+5
As a 37 year old photographer and breast cancer conqueror myself, I’m in complete admiration with her raw honesty. What I found remarkable and reassuring is that her beauty never diminished through any of the treatments. Frankly, I think she’s more beautiful now and I feel the same about myself despite my scars and short curly hair.
http://www.megansbigadventure.com
November 20th, 2009 at 4:25 pm EGMT+5
Thank you so much for your art and for sharing.
November 20th, 2009 at 5:00 pm EGMT+5
I had both taken off, Stage III, then radiated. When I went to get reconstruction, skin would not expand. They had to take my back skin and muscle to create expansion and hold the implant. Now I have a boob with a football-like scar and it is completely different from the other one. I still have to get more fat injections after they take out my port on the other side. It’s been almost a three year construction process.
Thank you for sharing your journey.
November 20th, 2009 at 5:14 pm EGMT+5
Wow what a beautiful woman! We really need to get a cure for this tragedy. The surgery seems so barbaric. I lost a friend almost 2 years ago who lived 1500 miles away and we spoke almost every night while he was going through treatments and I grew to love him like a brother. The struggles he faced during our friendship were incredible and it weighed more heavily than I ever realized. I’ve felt your battle and your bravery has no bounds. Live strong Kerry and I mean that in the most sincere way!
November 20th, 2009 at 5:15 pm EGMT+5
Wow! Your courage and strength has left me speechless.
November 20th, 2009 at 6:03 pm EGMT+5
My goodness, you are beautiful.
November 20th, 2009 at 6:27 pm EGMT+5
As a young guy from the east coast who considers themselves a tough, determined, fresh college grad, and w/ a mother who had to go through light chemo treatments..
I cannot express to you just how brave I think you are, how *truly* tough you are, and how much I look up to you for being able to document this. Thank you for sharing, and best wishes.
November 20th, 2009 at 6:39 pm EGMT+5
Thank you, Kerry, so much for sharing. Posting this series was not only brave, but selfless. I applaud you for not letting modesty get in the way.
November 20th, 2009 at 6:42 pm EGMT+5
Your courage and openness is awe inspiring, a very strong and emotionally powerful series of images that will be etched in my subconscious for sometime. So brave, so beautiful, I hope this message finds you well. TM
November 20th, 2009 at 7:25 pm EGMT+5
Thank you for sharing this with us.
To have endured this, survived and maintained the bravery to share with the world leaves me in awe.
November 20th, 2009 at 7:25 pm EGMT+5
Thank you for these photos, it is very corageous of you.
November 20th, 2009 at 8:20 pm EGMT+5
Very brave indeed. As a man, I can’t hope to know the anguish of anything like this. What I don’t understand is why more mastectomies are not done by plastic surgeons, under the guidance of an oncologist. It would make reconstruction easier (I would think) and eliminate some of the trauma for the woman.
November 20th, 2009 at 8:20 pm EGMT+5
Incredibly touching – I cannot fathom what it must have taken to air your pain to the world – cathartic.
November 20th, 2009 at 8:23 pm EGMT+5
My thoughts go out to you. Your strength in facing this problem and sharing it with the public is impressive. I wish you a happy, healthy life from here on out.
November 20th, 2009 at 9:01 pm EGMT+5
This is amazing and so powerful for women to see. Her courage to document and share this is inspiring. Thank you.
November 20th, 2009 at 9:12 pm EGMT+5
Thankyou for this. Very powerful art!
November 20th, 2009 at 9:14 pm EGMT+5
Kerri,
You have given a phenomenal gift to the world. Thank you for sharing your beauty,talent, and photography. We are who we are…your journey shows that we can be so much more if share ourselves. I admire your strength and courage.
November 20th, 2009 at 9:18 pm EGMT+5
You are a brave soul and I am sure that your photos will be an encouragement to other women. I only viewed your pictures to see the results of surgery. My wife will be going in for surgery (not the same surgery) soon and I hope and pray that she will come through the surgery as well as you appear to have. You are beautiful.
November 20th, 2009 at 9:33 pm EGMT+5
You are so brave! Even if you were shaking inside, your photos show an awesome resilience! I have never seen the physical disruption of one’s life like this before. Thank you! your friend Don
November 20th, 2009 at 9:36 pm EGMT+5
AMAZING! So tasteful and breathtakingly beautiful! Thank you so much for sharing your fight and your talent with the world
November 20th, 2009 at 10:37 pm EGMT+5
Those have to be among the most unassuming, real, and touching images I’ve seen. Kerry, your strength and courage are an inspiration.
November 21st, 2009 at 12:22 am EGMT+5
Kerry, your photographs are a story that needs no words – emotional and heart-rendering.
November 21st, 2009 at 12:33 am EGMT+5
My mother has 4 sisters. All 4 of them have had ovarian or breast cancer, or both. As a result, I have lived in fear of the C-Word all of my life. Thank you so much for sharing your experience. It must have been so scary and at the same time it exhibited so much bravery. I have been affected beyond words by this series of amazing photos, and because of these photos I know of several people who have donated to breast cancer research. Thanks for your honesty, bravery, and fearlessness. I will be praying for you!!!!!!
November 21st, 2009 at 4:10 am EGMT+5
Brilliant. Thank you.
*hug*
November 21st, 2009 at 5:43 am EGMT+5
Im a male that had a 7cm mass removed from my right breast back in September. It was medically described as a “mastectomy” and I had a blood drain just like yours sticking out of my chest for several weeks(the line wasnt set right the first time and I woke up the next morning with a c cup breast thanks to a hematoma). My mass was not malignant, however the mass had been there for 8 years(painful to the touch) and right before the point it was removed and biopsied as non cancerous I had already resigned it as being cancer.
Your series of pictures opened my eyes to how much of a toll chemotherapy takes on the body, and I would like to thank you for your courage in posting this series of photos
November 21st, 2009 at 9:54 am EGMT+5
words sometimes aren’t quite enough…
ana
portugal
November 21st, 2009 at 11:40 am EGMT+5
Congratulations!
Life’s bigger than death!
November 21st, 2009 at 12:20 pm EGMT+5
Art…such a powerful vehicle to support staying with our experience. no matter how catastrophic. I comfort myself knowing you had this medium to witness yourself
during the process. Thank you for sharing your body, mind and spiritual journey.
Sending blessings your way brave sister. te
November 21st, 2009 at 1:47 pm EGMT+5
speechless…
god bless you Kerry!
November 21st, 2009 at 4:32 pm EGMT+5
I survived testicular cancer some years ago. By a stroke of luck, I happened across a magazine with a pictorial of half a dozen breast cancer survivors of all ages. (I think it was Oprah’s magazine, but I’m not sure). They became my pinup girls. I recall all of their faces clearly. I put their pictures on the wall, and they were kind of a lighthouse in a storm for me. My favorite was a brunette gal around 50 or so with a wicked tattoo up and along her afflicted side. She said “I took an area of devastation and made it beautiful again.” Her bravery, and the way she confronted it head on really inspired me in dealing with a profound sense of disfigurement. And I want to commend you for it. You and you are all beautiful women.
November 21st, 2009 at 6:18 pm EGMT+5
God Bless you. You are a strong and beautiful lady.
November 21st, 2009 at 8:26 pm EGMT+5
not only the photos themself,but your eyes!
the way you look at ass thru the lens!
thank you for that!
you are magnificent woman!
November 22nd, 2009 at 4:15 am EGMT+5
RESPECT***
November 22nd, 2009 at 12:15 pm EGMT+5
Admittedly I’ve never seen the aftermath of Breast Cancer. Know that you are still a beautiful woman, and that you’ve given many of us a lot of food for thought. Thank you for sharing what has to be the hardest moments of your life with us.
November 22nd, 2009 at 6:06 pm EGMT+5
Has tenido una enorme valentía y eso te honra.
Deseo de corazón que ya estés totalmente recuperada y que la vida te sonría.
Y tienes unos ojos y una mirada hermosa…refleja …paz
Un abrazo.
November 22nd, 2009 at 6:11 pm EGMT+5
Absolutely brave and didactic. Thanks so much for your courage.
November 22nd, 2009 at 7:19 pm EGMT+5
I am a 40 year old man who is moved, touched and inspired by your courage and honesty. My sister had breast cancer 15 years ago and had treatment. She is still in remission. 3 years ago my doctor found a lump in my left breast and they had to do a mastectomy. It’s embarrassing for me to admit and yet I also know that is the reason 90% of men with breast cancer don’t survive. I would not have had it checked out let alone removed if it weren’t for brave people like my sister and you. You are amazing (and gorgeous with or without your right breast).
November 22nd, 2009 at 8:48 pm EGMT+5
This is the first time I comment a photo but… yours are… I han’t got words. Thank you for your courage, for your sincerity, for your work. Thanks for sharing. And good luck
Mar
Spain
November 22nd, 2009 at 10:54 pm EGMT+5
you have big balls. More than many man.
November 23rd, 2009 at 4:19 am EGMT+5
Eres una persona muy valiente. Desde Madrid te mando muchos ánimos. No dudo que con tu fortaleza podrás seguir adelante y ser feliz.
Un beso grande
November 23rd, 2009 at 5:51 am EGMT+5
Respect & Good Luck!
November 23rd, 2009 at 12:47 pm EGMT+5
The courage passes on. Thank you for helping others
November 23rd, 2009 at 3:14 pm EGMT+5
THANKS.
November 24th, 2009 at 1:03 am EGMT+5
You are so brave! Loved the idea of the photos. Your facial expression tells the whole story. Wish you well. :)
November 24th, 2009 at 7:26 am EGMT+5
Thank you
November 24th, 2009 at 7:54 pm EGMT+5
Beautiful and incredibly powerful
November 25th, 2009 at 6:50 am EGMT+5
My heart goes out and I am so very glad you did this. People must know.
November 26th, 2009 at 1:56 am EGMT+5
You are one incredible woman!!. Your courage is beyond anything I have ever encountered.
We, my wife and I have been married nearly 40 years.
I’m the father of a lovely daughter and grand father to three marvelous little girls. God forbid they should encounter what you are dealing with. If it does happen I can only hope that they have your courage.
baba
November 27th, 2009 at 10:58 am EGMT+5
incredible. I applaud your courage.
I see these are from 2006, hope you are still fighting the good fight.
November 27th, 2009 at 3:34 pm EGMT+5
I realized after my mastectomy that I wished I had taken the before shot that wasn’t just the one at the plastic surgeons office with no face. I had a double mastectomy cancer in both breasts and was able to get the full implant at the time of the mastectomy as the oncologist surgeon and reconstrction surgeon worked together. I wish more women knew about this option because it helps with the whole healing process. I searched the internet before the surgery so that I would know what to expect after the surgery but was unable to find anything and you have told an amazing and incredible story that I was looking for.
December 2nd, 2009 at 10:53 am EGMT+5
you are so beautiful.
December 5th, 2009 at 8:56 pm EGMT+5
I dont know what to say. This is the most beautiful thing Ive ever seen. I just cant believe it. Thank You.
December 6th, 2009 at 2:07 am EGMT+5
Kerry, you are so brave. My wife went through breast cancer in April 2006 and had a lumpectomy followed by chemo and radio. She is “cured” now, but it changed our lives forever. We found a deeper love and feeling for each other after 37 years of marriage.
Good luck,
Keith
December 6th, 2009 at 11:07 am EGMT+5
Thank you, thank you, thank you. I have no other words that can express what I’m feeling.
December 6th, 2009 at 6:22 pm EGMT+5
You’re beautiful. You’re struggle and fight is beautiful. Your spirit and piercing eyes, again, beautiful. I’m proud of you, stranger.
December 7th, 2009 at 6:30 am EGMT+5
Sorry I don´t speak english. moving pictures. The photographs come to the heart
December 8th, 2009 at 8:38 pm EGMT+5
you are breathtakingly beautiful
December 10th, 2009 at 9:25 pm EGMT+5
I agree with so many people on here. You are incredibly brave and such a beautiful woman inside and out. Your series truly touched me, and for that I thank you..thank you so very much~
December 10th, 2009 at 10:20 pm EGMT+5
You are beautiful, strong, and honest. Hats off to you, this one series of photographs has proven you a roll model.
December 13th, 2009 at 6:07 pm EGMT+5
Thank you so much for share your courage with us.
December 14th, 2009 at 5:57 am EGMT+5
this series is so raw and so true. so brave. there is so much beauty in this woman’s courage. these photos have a lot of power in them. wow.
December 26th, 2009 at 1:15 am EGMT+5
I have no personal link to this photo. One of my friends posted it on Facebook, and I had to look. You are so beautiful, and so brave. I hope that all is well for you, now, and I hope you know how absolutey gorgeous you are; before and after. Stay strong, and healthy. :D
December 26th, 2009 at 6:02 am EGMT+5
You can see a lot of rubbish online as you browse, but this was the cream of the crop, a very brave and honest depiction of what cancer and chemotherapy do to the body. I had cancer also, rectal. I didn’t lose my hair but was very sick for about six months in 2006. and I still have a bag from the operation which was left there because I got to a point where I just couldn’t face anyone touching or poking me with things. I took my own photos too, before the operation, so I could remember how I was. One day soon they’ll know how to beat cancer with something in a drip or a prescription of pills that won’t seem to do anything, and all the stuf we went through will look so primitive and awful. Here’s to that day. Best Wishes to you.
December 26th, 2009 at 6:53 am EGMT+5
I think what she did puts a real face on breast cancer,it was truly a brave thing to document her struggle. God bless you and may He keep you strong.
December 28th, 2009 at 2:36 am EGMT+5
You got nice titties girl
January 2nd, 2010 at 1:08 am EGMT+5
Being a cancer patient I can understant how u face the situation. But the courage and sporting spirit u shown is great and unmatched. wish good luck and healthy life in rest of ur life
January 5th, 2010 at 9:38 am EGMT+5
You are so beautiful in every sense of the word that you take my breath away. Thank you so much for sharing your journey and giving hope and inspiration to women and the men who love them and support them.
January 17th, 2010 at 11:06 pm EGMT+5
This was very brave.
January 19th, 2010 at 11:31 pm EGMT+5
I couldn’t help but just stare into your eyes. From the fear in the first photo to the look of accomplishment and triumph in the last. You truly are brave and despite any scars, physical or emotional, you are a rare beauty, and those are the best kind. Hope you are still well.
January 21st, 2010 at 6:38 pm EGMT+5
What a stunningly beautiful, and strong woman. Thank you for your honesty.
January 21st, 2010 at 11:25 pm EGMT+5
What a wonderful soul. Powerful is she.
January 24th, 2010 at 6:13 pm EGMT+5
Now that’s a powerful and brave woman.
My partner underwent a double masectomy (as well as removal of lymph node on right side) and never underwent reconstruction. She occasionally wears a breast prosthesis to look more ‘feminine’ but usually foregoes it for comfort reasons.
Hope that you are and continue to be cancer free.
January 24th, 2010 at 7:49 pm EGMT+5
Something about these photos simply removes malicious thought from your mind — rather novel.
January 24th, 2010 at 10:22 pm EGMT+5
Thank you from a child whose mother did not survive. You are beautiful.
January 25th, 2010 at 11:20 am EGMT+5
I never comment on things I stumble. Even when touched, I keep it to myself. I need to comment on this. Your photos are stunningly honest, brave, raw, strong beyond words. I am moved. Thank you for sharing this very personal journey. I wish you health and continued strength.
January 25th, 2010 at 1:46 pm EGMT+5
Very touchy. Brave work. You are really an inspiration for others.
January 25th, 2010 at 9:41 pm EGMT+5
This woman’s courage inspires me….her beauty astounds me.
January 25th, 2010 at 10:46 pm EGMT+5
I think the fourth cycle is the best photo. Her gaze is so intense.
My mom’s on her last round of chemo right now.
January 26th, 2010 at 12:38 am EGMT+5
You are very brave, courageous and beautiful. Thank you for the pix. They are very touching. Your strength and sincerity will lead you to full recovery. Trust in them.
January 26th, 2010 at 1:27 am EGMT+5
beautiful
January 26th, 2010 at 2:09 am EGMT+5
You are absolutely gorgeous. Great progression of photos as well, you can feel the emotion in every one of the photos. Inspiring just doesn’t cut it. It’s much much more.
January 26th, 2010 at 1:09 pm EGMT+5
You are an amazing woman!
January 26th, 2010 at 2:13 pm EGMT+5
You are amazing.
January 26th, 2010 at 11:29 pm EGMT+5
You. Are. Amazing.
January 27th, 2010 at 3:08 pm EGMT+5
Lookin good honey. I hope all is good now.
January 27th, 2010 at 6:03 pm EGMT+5
You’re beautiful. Thank you so much for this, you are incredibly brave.
January 27th, 2010 at 7:36 pm EGMT+5
You are wonderful! I’m so grateful that you shared these. Beautiful!
I wish you Joy, Love, and Health!
January 28th, 2010 at 1:51 pm EGMT+5
Damn, bitch be ugly.
January 28th, 2010 at 3:46 pm EGMT+5
I think you’re sexy.
January 29th, 2010 at 12:18 am EGMT+5
I think you are completely gorgeous.
God bless.
January 29th, 2010 at 5:03 am EGMT+5
i have to agree with @Harper, absolutley, completely gorgeous
and so so brave, massive props 2 u
January 29th, 2010 at 8:10 am EGMT+5
There are no words to accurately describe your courage. This brought tears to my eyes. How beautiful and breathtaking and awe inspiring. You are an amazing standard of human to live up to.
January 30th, 2010 at 12:19 pm EGMT+5
wow… my mother, my sister in law and many others have had this same thing and I am glad to see what it is. I have heard that some people choose not to go through with it to save there looks and I think you and they look much better alive. thank you for showing your …. Life
February 12th, 2010 at 5:22 am EGMT+5
You, my dear, have the most beautiful eyes I have ever seen.
Thank you for sharing this with us, it is extremely powerful. I hope you are doing well.
Much love.
February 22nd, 2010 at 2:06 pm EGMT+5
Bravo. Evocative and brave.
March 4th, 2010 at 9:00 am EGMT+5
Beautiful, tragic, and inspiring. The strength required to do this is humbling.
March 5th, 2010 at 10:33 pm EGMT+5
You are beautiful.